Breaking up with Ghana

Now as most of you know, I left Ghana this week. Due to some Peace Corps passport complications and some personal reasons I picked up my life in the middle of the night and left to come back to the United States. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I miss my students and neighbors like crazy. Though I am happy to be coming back, I am sad that I didn't give a real goodbye to anyone. I don't know if I would've ever left if I had had to say goodbye to them though. They made my experience. I'm almost in tears knowing I'll probably never see them again. I hated leaving them because I feel like I have abandoned them somehow, especially without telling them why I had to leave. Now they can add me to the list of people who have abandoned them in their lives. Me, one of the few people they knew they could rely on and I up and left. But it'll be okay, we'll move on and they'll still be as amazing as ever.

I've matured so much over these past 11 weeks. It's weird. So many personality traits that I thought defined who I was, were redefined with a better definition. I think I needed Africa and Ghana, more than it needed me. I needed this experience, I needed what Ghana gave me. Those kids... Florence, Anthony, Emmanuel, Doris Vida, Kwame, Richson, Owusu, Abednego, Danko, Nelson, Victoria and of course my baby Pious they are apart of me now. Severing those ties without saying goodbye or letting them even know that I was leaving broke my heart. I hope they know how much I love them, how much they mean to me, how they changed me, how I'll never be the same because of them, how much they taught me: about life and about myself. I hope one day they'll understand what happened, that leaving was the best thing I could do for myself and it had nothing to do with them.

But honestly, I loved Ghana. My time there was one of the most gratifying experiences I could've ever asked for. From the people to the food, to the sense of reality and culture they have. Ghana is stunning and truly unforgettable. Fiji has big shoes to fill that's for sure. I'm ready to come home though. I'm ready to do all the things I need to do, set the next part of my life in motion, remember to keep what's important to me true. I think if there's one thing I've learned in Ghana it is that when you have a specific passion in life, it takes a hold of you and doesn't let go. Now I'll admit I'm still looking for my niche, the thing that pushes me to the limits and challenges and makes me better and want to wake up in the morning to solve its next great problem but I've never felt so ready, so at peace with the possibilities. Its weird, it makes me want to try a million new things, follow all the dreams and wants I've always wanted to do: get my pilots license, climb a couple mountains, skydive, travel, and never look back. I've definitely remembered that there is no such thing as mistakes, just lessons learned. I've learned about my likes and dislikes, completely even more self aware of what I need to work on and how I can change some of those things. Haha, I've always been so insecure about so many different things and though I'd love to tell you that I am 150% confident in myself, I'm not. But I'm a whole lot more confident in who I am, who I'd like to be, what I need to work on, where my priorities are. I'm not so worried about the future anymore, growing up scares me a million times over still but I'm ready for the adventure. It's crazy what a few months can teach you when you put yourself completely out of your confront zone and push yourself farther than you ever have before. I'm so ready for Fiji, I'm ready for what I'm going to learn, the tactical skills that I've always wanted to know, see places I've only dreamed of being able to go, and finding out my path and where it'll lead me in the future. I'm finally ready for it. I'm still crazy scared, and not sure about anything but I'm confident that I'll make it out the other end being proud of whatever I do. And that's not something I could ever say before.

So in my last post I just want to say thank you Ghana, Volta region, and the people of Jasikan for changing my outlook on life; and reminding me its okay to be weird like me. Thank you for sharing your meals, your language, your beauty and charm with me. I will never forget what you've given me. I wish I could have reciprocated even half of what I've learned and shared even a quarter of what you shared. I'll miss you Ghana.

:) Happy reading everyone and I hope you've had an amazing day.

Signing off for the last time. Ciara.